I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
