the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
