Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
as a side note pls kill me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Someone signed my nipple.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
