My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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