her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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