worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
