I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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