She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
