is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize