Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
