You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
