Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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