Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
