At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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