How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
