a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
