Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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