I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploringâ€
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
