ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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