I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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