In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
