I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
