if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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