Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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