eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
