So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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