Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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