Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
