just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
