We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
