you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
