I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
