he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
