Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
