omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
