Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
