I will die if light touches me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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