It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
