He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
