Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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