don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
