Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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