yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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