Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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