ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
