so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
