I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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