So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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