Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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