Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
