last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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