so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
