Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
