So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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