I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
