I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
