My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
