And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
whose parrot is this?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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