My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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