These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
