What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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