That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
