if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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