4 words: hood of his car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
