what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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