I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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