he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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