you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
