Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
