so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
