i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
