oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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